Day 83, November 23rd

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Feeling defeated.

Writing this blog every night allows me to step back and examine my choices for a day and how one thing leads to another, not just food wise.  I have been battling a sinus headache since I opened my eyes this morning.  I thought about not going to church, but knew that I really needed to get up and go.  Our Sunday school lesson was on John Chapter 11.  It is amazing that God knew we would need that lesson and despite feeling crummy and snow on the ground we went and heard what God needed us to hear at this time of struggling in our life.

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Tim’s uncle Tracy has been given a diagnosis with only weeks to live.  It has been hard on us being in Utah and not having the ability to be back home in Arkansas to be with family. We are praying for a miracle just as Mary and Martha; we know Jesus has the power to heal.  We also know that sometimes the answer is no and we have to know that God’s plan is far greater. Please pray for our entire family as we struggle with this and please pray for Tracy’s wife and their two teenage sons.

Now for reflection on November as far as “dieting”  I feel I have done really well on exercising.  I have completed 11 workouts burning a total of 7403 calories. That is a little more than 2 pounds of fat!  That does not include the LBD exercises that I have also done which until yesterday I had been right on track.  I have 8 more active days to complete and hope to be back on track tomorrow after a good nights rest.  As for food I have felt that I have not made the best decisions.  I know what is the right things to eat and I have chosen not to eat them, feeling like a failure.  I had set a goal to eat more fruits and vegetables and I won’t even come in close to that goal.  Thankfully due to the workouts I have kept my net calorie average at 1241 without them I would be at an average of 1563.

I also realized that I need to eat breakfast.  I need to get up and make something to eat even if I don’t want to or don’t feel like it.  Not having breakfast weakens my resolve to make good decisions later on in the day.  I have also had several days where I feel like well I’ve blew it up to this point why not screw up some more.  I need to admit my mistakes and move on making better choices next time.  Food is my vice and it will be a daily struggle (more than likely) for the rest of my life.

Now what did I eat today:

no breakfast – I felt puny and putting dinner in the crocpot before church made me nauseous.

For Lunch we went to Mimi’s Cafe we ordered a spinach and artichoke dip for an appatizer I ate 1/4 of it for a total of 359 calories.  For lunch I ordered a soup and salad combo.

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Corn Chowder (my favorite) 270, salad with fat free dressing 71, fruit 50

I also made a whole restaurant get quite by yelling “Stop It” at Olivia for fighting over dipping her pancakes in syrup instead of drizzling it over the top.  I had tried to talk to her quietly first, but wasn’t getting through.  She wanted to dip her pancake, but was getting syrup everywhere so I went to drizzle it and remove the syrup ramekin from her plate. She started throwing a fit and after several attempts at talking to her I said very loudly Stop It … I got to spend the rest of lunch with people staring and talking about me.

I came home took some medicine and went to bed. I woke up still feeling blah and finished preparing dinner.

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The whole family ate it and decided we would not be making this again.  It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t great either.  I can describe it as a fancy hamburger helper at best.  It was a new recipe I found on pintrest. You put stew meat, ranch seasoning, au jus seasoning, mushrooms, onions, and diced tomatoes in a crocpot.  Cook on low 8 hours, put over noodles.  694 calories add the bread is another 200.

This brings my calorie count to 1644 and I don’t feel like I ate much food today.  This goes back to what I was reading about when I first started this journey and the caloric density of foods.  I need to find a way to work in more vegetables, but I get bored eating the same few sides.  Maybe I need to explore other options.

Thanks for reading this long Post!

Total Calories 1644

Steps 2330

Fruits / Vegetables: Today 1 / 3 Total 103

In order to meet my fruit / vegetable goal I would have to eat 11 servings of fruits and vegetables over the next 7 days. I wish I could say I could make this happen, but I know that it isn’t feasible.  I will get closer though.

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